Honestly is Honesty the only policy?

There seems to have been a recent theme to my life, like a colourful odour effervescing under the surface.  What with the constant updates in the great phone hacking scandal in the UK and the passionate carbon tax debate here is Australia it seems that this theme is resonating around the world.  A boil on the collective conscious.

What is it? Honesty.  Everybody wants it, no one seems to be able to give it and even when you are honest, people don’t believe you anyhow.   Obviously I’ve met it on the internet dating malarkey, it’s the most common trait girls want; well at least think they want which is a completely different thing. 

Aside: malarkey is such a great word, it should have its own show, maybe a offbeat comedy/police procedural called “Codswallop and Malarkey”, staring Bill Bailey as DCI James. T. Malarkey and that girl off the latest transformer movie as DI Brie “Huckleberry” Codswallop.  Only she would be mute, able to communicate only in the form of mime, sign language and Pictionary.  Why, oh why, did they let her speak? Seriously, the set was out acting her. I kept hoping that a Decepticon would tear out her throat and for the rest of the film she would have to speak though a transformer voice box, only accidentally stuck on the Darth Vader setting...  man I need to get a life.

So, what was I talking about?  Oh yes, honesty.  Strange thing about it, especially in relationships, is that honesty is often the one thing people don’t want.  Not complete honesty, not initially anyway.  I often wonder what would happen if I actually said what I was thinking, give a straight, honest answer to every question posed.  Actually I know what would happen; several times I’ve lost my copy of the social contract in the mess I euphemistically call a filing system. What you get is tumble weed and shocked faces. What you get is everyone staring at you with the “you’re the most evil person in the room” look.  Man I hate that look.

So I have learnt, you can’t tell people the real reasons you don’t want to go on another date, you can’t be honest.  You can’t tell the girl with the moustache that the tickling feeling just doesn’t do it, or the larger girl that hands not meeting when you hug is a real issue, or let slip that the reason you are gagging is the whiff of BO, or the reason you are late is because your last date was more attractive (ok the last one I made up).  And nothing freaks someone out as much as talking about your varied, sexual medical problems at length and in detail when you first meet (this actually happened).  It takes a long time to build up the trust in a relationship to be truly honest.

So, maybe, what girls really mean when they write “just want to meet a genuine guy who is honest” is something closer to “I want a guy who tells me the truth about everything except the following: what I look like first thing in the morning, what I look like at any time in fact, why you didn’t return my call, my body, my family, my pets, your emotions (at least in the first two years), baby names, anything to do with babies (unless we are married) , what you do on boys nights out, what you are thinking about after sex, what you think about during sex especially if it is how attractive my sister is, or how attractive my mum is, or how attractive any other girl is, especially ex-girlfriends, sex with ex-girlfriends, ex-girlfriends in general.... oh and what you think of my cooking.”  The truth is everyone wants everyone else to be honest but withholds the right not to be completely honest themselves, because no one wants to hurt someone’s feelings or be made to feel guilty or get the “most evil person in the room” look.

Maybe it is with maturity that you come to accept these half truths and white lies, to see honesty as what it really is, a precious commodity, a window into the soul that only a few people will have the privilege to own.  You have to earn my honesty, as I have to earn yours. 

Laters,

M