My dry spell...

I have been following a friend of mine’s blog, which is very good and I recommend it (life and talisha). If you click on the link you will notice she is very beautiful (she is also a great person, annoyingly) and it is good to get her view on the world because, despite what people claim, being attractive has huge advantages (it also has disadvantages I admit). Now I know some people are going to rant and rave about me saying this, and many will disagree but these are my experiences, from the perspective of someone who is average looking.

I’m in a bar/ club, I get bored and fancy talking to someone, I approach and before I open my mouth I get the “absolutely no way” look, I get this a lot. Girls are expert at this look, brilliant in fact. The only way to negate this seems to be either to be out with other attractive girls or to have a good looking friend. Once I’m actually talking I have half a chance. I am average looking so I have to employ other avenues, witty banter is normally my in but sometimes sarcasm and irony can back fire, badly. That said I went through a period of having success internet dating because girls got to know me before they actually, you know, saw me. Not that I am ugly but I am also not hot. I’d say about a 6 (feel free to comment, as I said before I don’t really mind what people think).

I used to think I was quite good at flirting and making people feel good about themselves but recently this has backfired too. Apparently you should only make the girl you are interested in feel this way. But what if you don’t know who you are interested in, which in my case is true initially because my major turn on is intelligence so I have to actually talk to them first, or, as it was in this particular case, if you aren’t interested in any of them and just enjoy flirting? Even so I get further than most because I’m confident but, either consciously or subconsciously, attractive people are given more lifelines, they are allowed more mistakes. The thing that most girls I approach don’t realise is that I am genuinely just looking for someone interesting to talk to; I am so stupidly picky that it is unlikely I will continue to find her attractive once we start talking. You can tell when I am really interested in someone when I don’t talk and just stare, like a creepy zombie. Inside my head is a conversation going something like this:

“she’s pretty and intelligent, I am enjoying talking to her, just relax, she’s smiling, she not running away, it’s all good. I know, find out if she’s single, no don’t that’s too forward, too obvious, relax, just chat, she’s only human. Talk, just talk, no, don’t, don’t clam up, stop it. Relax you idiot, don’t fuck this up, shit you’re fucking this up, what are you doing? You idiot, say something! Anything, no, not that, that’s lame and a little creepy, stop staring. Just. Stop. Staring. That’s it, it’s over, she thinks you’re a moron, and there you go, she’s gone, she’s left and you haven’t even got her number, typical...”

Still I am interested in people and in human behaviour so I find the whole process amusing. This used to make me angry but I’ve grown up, it is pointless raging at your genes when there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, and I like other aspects of being me. I know that my recent slump is also because I am overweight and don’t currently have the motivation to change this. Thing is if I get fit, slim and looking reasonable then I might have to address the real reasons I am having no luck, either my personality sucks, I really am that ugly or I just don’t want a girlfriend. These are harder questions to face because they tunnel to the core of who I am rather than just what I look like.