Honestly is Honesty the only policy?

There seems to have been a recent theme to my life, like a colourful odour effervescing under the surface.  What with the constant updates in the great phone hacking scandal in the UK and the passionate carbon tax debate here is Australia it seems that this theme is resonating around the world.  A boil on the collective conscious.

What is it? Honesty.  Everybody wants it, no one seems to be able to give it and even when you are honest, people don’t believe you anyhow.   Obviously I’ve met it on the internet dating malarkey, it’s the most common trait girls want; well at least think they want which is a completely different thing. 

Aside: malarkey is such a great word, it should have its own show, maybe a offbeat comedy/police procedural called “Codswallop and Malarkey”, staring Bill Bailey as DCI James. T. Malarkey and that girl off the latest transformer movie as DI Brie “Huckleberry” Codswallop.  Only she would be mute, able to communicate only in the form of mime, sign language and Pictionary.  Why, oh why, did they let her speak? Seriously, the set was out acting her. I kept hoping that a Decepticon would tear out her throat and for the rest of the film she would have to speak though a transformer voice box, only accidentally stuck on the Darth Vader setting...  man I need to get a life.

So, what was I talking about?  Oh yes, honesty.  Strange thing about it, especially in relationships, is that honesty is often the one thing people don’t want.  Not complete honesty, not initially anyway.  I often wonder what would happen if I actually said what I was thinking, give a straight, honest answer to every question posed.  Actually I know what would happen; several times I’ve lost my copy of the social contract in the mess I euphemistically call a filing system. What you get is tumble weed and shocked faces. What you get is everyone staring at you with the “you’re the most evil person in the room” look.  Man I hate that look.

So I have learnt, you can’t tell people the real reasons you don’t want to go on another date, you can’t be honest.  You can’t tell the girl with the moustache that the tickling feeling just doesn’t do it, or the larger girl that hands not meeting when you hug is a real issue, or let slip that the reason you are gagging is the whiff of BO, or the reason you are late is because your last date was more attractive (ok the last one I made up).  And nothing freaks someone out as much as talking about your varied, sexual medical problems at length and in detail when you first meet (this actually happened).  It takes a long time to build up the trust in a relationship to be truly honest.

So, maybe, what girls really mean when they write “just want to meet a genuine guy who is honest” is something closer to “I want a guy who tells me the truth about everything except the following: what I look like first thing in the morning, what I look like at any time in fact, why you didn’t return my call, my body, my family, my pets, your emotions (at least in the first two years), baby names, anything to do with babies (unless we are married) , what you do on boys nights out, what you are thinking about after sex, what you think about during sex especially if it is how attractive my sister is, or how attractive my mum is, or how attractive any other girl is, especially ex-girlfriends, sex with ex-girlfriends, ex-girlfriends in general.... oh and what you think of my cooking.”  The truth is everyone wants everyone else to be honest but withholds the right not to be completely honest themselves, because no one wants to hurt someone’s feelings or be made to feel guilty or get the “most evil person in the room” look.

Maybe it is with maturity that you come to accept these half truths and white lies, to see honesty as what it really is, a precious commodity, a window into the soul that only a few people will have the privilege to own.  You have to earn my honesty, as I have to earn yours. 

Laters,

M

Changing Tack...

Ok, time has come to talk about something different, namely me. Enough of the self indulgent claptrap and over analysis of failed relationships.  Time to be positive, time to plan for what's next.

How do you know when you’ve got over someone?  Is it when you stop attempting to facebook stalk them, or when you stop actually stalking them?  Or when you stop the late night phone calls and rude letters, or stop leaving the begging gifts/cakes/stray puppies on their doorstep with various pathetic pleading messages? Me?  I think it was the sky writing that was the last straw... :) I joke I have never done any of these things, nor would I.  I respect people enough to accept any decision they make good or bad, it may take me a while to be comfortable with it perhaps but I am not going to beg.  It’s the arrogance in me.  After a while you just have to start looking for the many amazing people in the world, and there are loads.

I suppose the only time you know you are ready to move on is when you meet someone else who you are willing to take the chance to go through the whole relationship mill with again.  I’m ready ( i was actually ready a while back but I like to eke out as much humour and ranting material out of a situation as I can. :) my last girlfriend was, and still is, a fantastic girl and I hold no grudges).

Now I just need to decide what to do with the rest of my life.  Things I am good at include being a smart arse, making stuff up, knowing random facts, explaining physics concepts, being sarcastic and witty, being charming, looking good (on occasions), learning things and procrastinating.  Things I’m bad at include common sense, knowing what girls want, tact (on occasions) and making decisions.  Any ideas on a postcard please. 

Laters, M